


the tree stands tall

by dianna44



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Universe, Introspection, M/M, kind of sad :( basically it's sasuke thinking about naruto during his time with oro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-03-08
Packaged: 2019-11-13 19:51:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18037799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dianna44/pseuds/dianna44
Summary: Naruto is an itch buried deep in Sasuke's skin.





	the tree stands tall

**Author's Note:**

> GOD i fucking love naruto and sasuke

Today, in the silence, Sasuke's mind was loud.

Sasuke presses his sword deeper into the tree, pressing it so far in, he could almost imagine Itachi's face etched in the bark, he could almost imagine blood spurting out and forming a puddle at his feet. It wasn't a satisfying image. It isn't how he wants to kill Itachi and his thoughts keep going somewhere else, they keep shifting someone else into focus, and despite his best wishes to keep the hatred in his heart overwhelmingly strong, he could never hate as much as he wanted to when he thought about Naruto.

Sasuke pulls out his sword easily and then plunges it back in again.

Today isn't a good day.

He supposes that thought is a bit too abstract. Sasuke hasn't had a _good_ day since he was a child, years ago when he thought the world was happy and he thought things would actually work out the way he wanted them to. Sasuke doesn't have any good days.

But today is especially shitty compared to other days. He pulls out the sword and nearly slams it against the tree in frustration.

Sometimes he feels so _stuck_. He feels like the days are melding together and he isn't moving forward and he'll never be able to truly catch up to his brother and he'll just _fail_. Bark spits back into his face as he hits the tree with his sword again.

He remembers Naruto. He wishes he didn't.

Sometimes, though, he thinks Naruto is one of the only things that's able to ground him. Naruto… someone that exists, someone that understands even just a _little_ , someone with no family just like him, someone that recognized him but couldn't truly understand him, someone that—

Sasuke hates feeling like this. He hates feeling like this.

Naruto had a smile that made Sasuke feel something else.

Sasuke hates feeling like this.

Finally, he gives up and lets the tree breathe again, collapsing onto the ground, the twigs pressing into his back as he breathes in and out in and out in and out, the sky above him judging him.

Sasuke doesn't know if he's doing the right thing.

He hates feeling like this.

The sounds of the forest are background noise to his thoughts. He remembers the first time he ever went to Naruto's shitty apartment. He remembers feeling bad for him.

Sasuke hated feeling bad for Naruto. Because feeling bad about Naruto meant that, at some level, he felt bad for himself. But his life was different. Living alone when he previously had what seemed like an entire village of _family_ surrounding him whereas Naruto never had anyone. Naruto was used to the loneliness.

Sasuke remembers holding onto those thoughts when he first saw Naruto again after the murder of his clan. He remembers thinking to himself that Naruto had it easier. Naruto didn't have any attachments. He lost nobody.

Sasuke lost his life that day.

And he hasn't been able to breathe since.

There's something stuck in his chest, something stuck in the back of his throat, something lodged in the nerves in his body and the blood in his veins, there's something _wrong_ with Sasuke.

Sasuke can't help but be aware of it. He can't help but be aware of the constant _ache_ he ignores, but it only grows deeper, and he can't help but notice that since leaving the village, it started to split him wide open.

But Sasuke doesn't _care_.

That ache in him is what makes him stronger. That pain, that anger… he has nothing to hold onto besides that. And even though it seemed like Naruto could be enough, _was_ enough, the ache didn't go away, it didn't go  _away._

Sasuke breathes in and out in and out in and out in and out and the earth below him stabilizes him enough where he doesn't convince himself that everything is collapsing.

Sasuke doesn't know if he's doing the right thing.

His hands fist the dirt beneath him and he thinks some of it gets into his nails but he doesn't  _care_ , he doesn't _care_ , he has to _kill_ Itachi.

Itachi doesn't deserve to live after what he's done. If Sasuke doesn't kill him… he's betraying his entire family, he's betraying his mother, he's betraying his father, his uncles and aunts, he's betraying _himself_. And if Sasuke can't even hold onto that, if Sasuke can't even hold onto the one thing he's always been sure of, his pride in his family, he has nothing at all.

Naruto isn't _enough._ Naruto is a world where things worked out. Naruto is an oasis in the desert, but Sasuke can't _stop_.

Naruto is a life that Sasuke will never be able to live and Sasuke's accepted that, he has, but sometimes, sometimes on the days where it's quietest and his mind is loudest, it _burns_.

Sasuke doesn't think he's doing the right thing at all. But he knows he has no other choice. Therefore, it is the right thing. Sasuke can't live in the time he had with Naruto because that time is as good as fantasy.

Naruto, at his side, pushing and pulling at their friendship with every word he says, but always _there_ nonetheless, right there with Sasuke, determined to stay right there with Sasuke, doesn't exist anymore.

Sasuke lets go of the dirt in his hands and breathes in and out in and out in and out. He's due back soon. Not that it really matters, but Sasuke knows that staying out and here and letting himself think about anything other than his fate, his true goal, is a hindrance.

Naruto doesn't exist anymore.

Sasuke has to make sure Naruto doesn't exist anymore. Sasuke has to stop thinking about him. Sasuke has to recognize the days where everything is too _loud_ for what they are and prevent them before they happen.

He stands up, the dirt slipping from his hands. The tree stands tall in front of him, bruised and beaten by his own hands, but standing tall nonetheless.

Sasuke stares at it.

The sky above him is judging him.

Sasuke isn't doing the right thing.

But he is.

The sky above him is judging him.

Sasuke closes his eyes, breathes in and out in and out in and out, and opens his eyes again, already turned away from the tree. He'll forget all about this tree. But the tree will continue to bear his aggression and his hatred and his frustrations and his limitations. Sasuke wishes he could cut the tree down. He wishes he could take back his mark on it.

But he can't.

As he walks away, Sasuke wonders just briefly, for less than even a second, if Naruto would ever come across it.

And if Naruto ever came across it, would he understand?

Would he understand?

The tree stands tall, the sky above him is judging him, and Sasuke

pretends.

**Author's Note:**

> the tree is naruto :( get it :(
> 
> im just really GOING through it rn in regards to naruto and sasuke so just :(( <3333 i'd love to know what you thought though <333


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